Why Waiting is Good for Your Child

“Mom, Dad, I really, really need it!” Ever heard those words, as your dress was being pulled, your arm tugged or your sleep interrupted?!

Really? Does your child know what they need best? No, of course not.  Most often they confuse their wants with their needs. We as humans are impulsive.

We see, we want. We want, we take.

 

“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride“

Ecclesiastes 7:8 (NIV)

1. Waiting teaches your child patience. Impatient parents produce impatient children. Demanding parents produce demanding children. You are your child’s model. Children are by nature inquisitive, selfish, and rebellious.

The Recipe for Impatience 

Questioning + Self-Centered + Rebellious = Impatience & Demanding = “I Want What I Want and I Want it Now!“

An impatient and demanding child has the combination of behaviors that can lead to recklessness. A reckless child takes un-calculated, unnecessary risks that can produce disastrous consequences. Reckless behaviors destroy relationships, shirk personal responsibility, and bring out un-intended, painful results.  How many parents have experienced this in their own lives?

Waiting establishes a process by which greater thought can be exhibited by the child as to the immediacy of his/her perceived need. Waiting allows the child to gain control over their emotions and learn to restrain their spirit. Waiting allows your child the time to think about consequences, outcomes, and results. Waiting is good for your child.

 2. When to “Give In” and When Not to “Give In” — The Lesson of “What’s Appropriate?” 

Remember: don’t make them wait needlessly. Don’t make them wait to “prove a point.” If it is in your power and it is appropriate, then don’t hold back. The key is appropriate. My wife, Julie, describes appropriateness to our children by saying, “this is what the situation calls for.” The language is often above the child’s head, but it helps you reinforce that the time is not right and the circumstances are dictating the response. This way it does not become a personal authority challenge between you and your child. You can then explain what appropriate behavior, appropriate language, an appropriate attitude or an appropriate looks, sounds like.

Acquiescence destroys appropriateness. Acquiescence is the silent reluctance of acceptance. Too many parents have been worn down, aren’t engaged and have become disconnected from their children. Consequently, instead standing firm in their decision or, worse, the painful fighting that soon will ensue, the parent just rolls over with little to no resistance to give into the child’s demand. This behavior only gets worse as the child grows into adolescence. Pretty soon your child has become unknown and uncontrollable. Loving your child does not mean giving them everything they desire.

 

The Challenge: Does the Parent Know What is Appropriate?

Judging by behavior I see at the playground, at schools, at the soccer field, at the frozen yogurt shop, etc. (anywhere that parents and children are found) it is evident that a growing number of parents don’t know what is appropriate. Responsible parents don’t ignore the legitimate needs of their children. In fact, responsible parents anticipate their child’s needs and help them discern their wants.

Ask your child tugging at your arm, waking you from sleep: Is someone bleeding, broken, needing the bathroom or on fire? No. Then, you can wait a minute.

Teaching your child to wait, in one very real sense, can teach them to be more loving. And who in their right mind doesn’t want to raise a more loving child? We need more love in our homes, in our relationships, and in our world.

 

“Love is patient...” 1 Corinthians 13:4