Monthly Archives: December 2013

Posted on

Before You Make Next Year’s Resolutions, Remember This Year’s Blessings – Life Tip of the Week

As I contemplate the coming new year, I am reminded to review the happenings of the past year. The words of an old hymn come to mind…

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God has done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.*

Charcoal

Our culture grows increasingly more and more ungrateful. If we are not careful, we, too, will live always wanting more. We will live and not be thankful for what we do have.

We are discontent because we have never discovered how to be content! Don’t miss this: more means “not enough.”

Perspective

I am reminded of a homeless man that hangs out at my business (I got tired of running him off for panhandling so I “hired” him. He picks up the trash in the parking lot to “earn” his keep). I asked him what he’d like for Christmas, he replied “coal…” I know him well enough to know he wasn’t being funny. He explained, “I am stocking up to keep warm this winter.” Perspective.

I went to Sam’s Club and bought the “double bag” of charcoal. Merry Christmas, right? “How long will this last you?” I said, thinking how benevolent this must be…

“Several days,” he said smiling. He was happy and serious. “Thank you,” he went back to work picking up trash in the parking lot, the double bag of charcoal sitting in his shopping cart.

Count your blessings, name them one by one …Perspective.

No one is guaranteed a long life. No one is guaranteed a happy life. No one is guaranteed much life at all. I’d challenge you to make a list of the little things. Does your heart grow thankful? These little things are the often-ignored blessings. Health, family, a roof over your head, indoor plubming, HVAC, a car that runs, a cup of coffee, a sunrise, etc. You get the picture, it could be your child’s laughter while they are sleeping (we have a daughter who does this), a get-well soon note from your seven year old or a hug from your teenage child (who’s not into giving hugs!). So simple, yet, so often over-looked. What blessings of life are you overlooking?

How much life can we expect? the Psalmist writes…

“The years of our life are seventy, or even by reason of strength eighty;

yet their span is but toil and trouble;

they are soon gone, and we fly away” Psalm 90:10

Count your blessings, see what God has done. Did you ask for something more than coal for last year? Did you receive it? I challenge you to make a list of your blessings, before you make a list of your resolutions!

 

 

 

*Johnson, Oatman Jr., in Songs for Young Peo­ple, by Ed­win Ex­cell (Chi­ca­go, Il­li­nois: 1897

 

Posted on

How to Teach Your Kids Not to Be Greedy — Parenting Tip of the Week

One of the things that attracted me to my wife, Julie (besides her radiant beauty and emerald, green eyes) was her stewardship! What you say?

When we met, she was going to college and waiting tables. I was impressed every night that the first thing she did with her tips was to record the exact amount and take 10% out of it for her tithe and put it in an envelope. I thought, “wow…she’s beautiful and she knows how to manage money…she’s the one for me!”

“One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give and only suffers want“

Proverbs 11:24

image

Parents, grandparents, or future parents…our culture is becoming so greedy and self-centered that we are now trying to legislate generosity.

Generosity must begin in the home as a foundational value. The following tips are designed to inspire, rebuke, and correct your thinking as needed…

1. They are watching you. Children are great observers. When you think they are not listening, they often are. You are the greatest example in your child’s life. They see when you choose your friends, your job, your hobbies, and yes, even your “me” time over them (Let me clarify–your spouse comes first!). I’m not saying some “recharge” time is not necessary (everyone needs rest), but sometimes the recharge time is a cover for being greedy with your time. Parents who demonstrate “time greed” raise children who are selfish with their time. Be generous with your time.

2. They are modeling you. The natural extension is that they emulate you. Children learn through imitation. So, when you gripe about giving, complain about helping someone out, and dissect the motives and intentions of generosity in front of your children, you are modeling un-generous/greedy behavior. (Some of these conversations may need to take place “behind closed doors.”). Be generous with your words.

3. Teach them stewardship. Stewardship is management. If you are not a good manager of the resources you have, most likely, your children will follow suit to an even greater degree of poor management. Good stewards/managers understand the principle of value. They don’t over-value or under-value the resources they’ve been entrusted with. Good stewards live at their means, not above. Too many families with easy access to credit, overextend themselves in debt and revoke their ability toward generosity because they are deeply indebted.

4. Teach them generosity. By the way, it’s hard to teach if you don’t practice it! Notice, my points build to being generous. Yes, generosity is a heart condition. Any parent knows that little children have great difficulty sharing. Sharing is the foundation for generosity. As the child grows, giving and generosity should be taught systemically, freely, and with joy. Pastor Johnny Hunt (First Baptist Church Woodstock, Georgia) says, “you are never more like Jesus than when you give!”

5. Teach them the joy that exists in giving. There is a transcendent principle in giving that moves the heart and will and mind upward. This is where the joy comes in. Let giving be wihout compulsion, but rather with excitement. There are invisible impulses of joy that radiate through your heart when you are generous! (the generous people know what I am talking about). Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A says that generosity is the cure for greed!

 

How does your family do at modeling generosity? Do you even like to give? I love hearing from you!

Posted on

How to Avoid the “Holiday Fight”

Disclaimer: I have (to borrow an expression from the South) “acted the fool” in my own life, so I do not speak from moral high ground, just personal experience and what I glean from Words of Wisdom.

Do you have people that you will interact with at a party, gathering or social setting that are antagonistic, incendiary or stubborn as a blind mule? Is there someone this holiday season that you will be forced into interpersonal communication with? Is there someone that your spouse has warned you to be on your “best behavior” with?

image

Of course there is?! There is always that one person that has a personal agenda that annoys you, chaps your hide or downright gets you angry. They open their mouth and out spews every form of what sounds like “nails on the chalkboard” to you. (Remember: you probably sound the same way to them!)

You want to respond. Your blood pressure builds. The person has NOOO idea what they are talking about, yet they keep blabbering on. What they say, the way they say it, or when they say it affects you as crass, unintelligent, rude, annoying or downright offensive. You are a volcano about to errupt….

Let me help you–Don’t waste your words on them. What?! Be rude? Often in the Deep South, we equate silence to rudeness. So we’ll say “nice” things, but have venom in our heart, mind or tone. However, you can be polite without having to engage in conversation.

“Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words”

(Proverbs 23:9)

This holiday season take this proverb to heart and avoid even allowing the fool in your sphere of influence to hear the good sense or prudence of your words. Dealing with such people is a perpetual mine-field of offensive-given, offensive-taken, and attack.

A “fool” is the Hebrew word “kesil” which, literally means, the dull, stolid, stupid man who cannot be moved from his own narrow groove.

A fool is hard-hearted, often steeped in sin and self-absorption that sees no truth but their own. A fool will receive no wisdom but their own. You cannot convince a fool of anything. And when you speak that which is righteous, noble, pure and true before heaven to a fool, they will despise you for it! They will malign your name, criticize your motives, and say all wicked things about you.

Fools, in turn, actually will want to harm you. This is illogical, but a fool does not work, think or act from any area that resembles wisdom, rationality or logic. Fools seek vengeance, retribution, and retaliation. Engaging a fool is like trying to catch a rabid pit-bull by his tail (or lack there of).

  • My counsel: don’t waste your breathe, thought or emotions on the fool. Commit them to prayer and love the ones they affect the most, do your best to avoid them, and certainly don’t engage them in conversation. Forgive them, truly. Smile and move on. 

We do well to remember what Jesus said, “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you” (Matthew 7:6, ESV).

Remember: You nor I are perfect. Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of love you will ever demonstrate. Forgiveness does not mean blind acceptance, but rather the removal of the penalty. Conseqences remain and relationships change. Forgive foolish people, try not to “act the fool” yourself, and live accountable for your actions and behavior!

 
Do you have any stories that this counsel could have helped you in? I love hearing from you!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

 

 

Posted on

Parenting Tip – Want More Peace at Bedtime?

Can’t Get Your Kids to Settle Down at Bedtime and Sleep?

Ever wished you could just flip a switch and turn your kids off at bed time? Does putting your kids to bed exhaust you?

My mother used to stand at the door and say, “Alex, time to turn your brain off?”

I’m sure she wished she had a switch to turn my brain off and to switch my active body functions into “sleep state”, but she didn’t. So what did she do?

Solution: Try Bedtime prayers.

image

But how are you supposed to pray?

Very simply!

God the Father is a loving and completely understanding Father so He would have that you prayed poorly and simply rather than not pray at all! Don’t measure your prayers or your children’s by eloquence (i.e. the old man who prays with Thee’s and Thoust’s as if Jesus only speaks the King’s Old English),

I believe prayer is very natural to little children. As they get older, prayer gets made into something too formal. The best prayers are simple, from the heart and full of faith.

Remember this…

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray The Lord, my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray The Lord, my soul to take,
God bless…Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister….

1. Get a Children’s Bible and read them the Bible stories at bedtime. Most children’s Bibles have very simple life application principles included in them or they are very easy to draw out. Briefly discuss the story with your kids and then get on your knees beside their bed and pray about what you just read.

2. Alternate between you and your kids praying. You don’t have to do the same thing every night, but pray every night. I suggest leading until they are ready to lead. When our children were very young, I always led in prayer. Don’t be afraid to let your kids hear you pour your heart out to God, especially on their behalf. One of the most touching times of prayer of my entire life, was when my then three-year old son and I prayed for his wife (brought me to tears!).

3. Dad needs to be involved. Sadly, many dad’s check out at bed time, although in recent years, I certainly hear of more dads getting involved at bed time.

4. Pray with lots of thankfulness. I mean teach them to be thankful for everyone and everything, you will get tired of them thanking God for the grass, the trees, the stray dog down the street, the sun, etc. Don’t cut them off unless they get lost repeating the same thing over and over again. It is important for the child to be cognizant of what they are praying about.

5. Talk to Jesus like he’s your best and most powerful friend. Teach them that you trust in God’s ability to answer prayers. Teach them that you truly believe (have faith) that Christ will answer your prayers. Teach them that praying is simply talking to Jesus.

6. Use standard prayers as starters or finishers. I will often pray “Now I Lay Me” or “The Lord’s Prayer” with my kids to start our bedtime prayers. I try not to use them as the only prayer. Children, quickly adhere to the discipline of prayer.

7. Pray for other people. Ask your child, “who should we pray for tonight?” or “do you have any prayer requests?” It will amaze you the things they have picked up on during the day.

The simple of act of bedtime prayer serves to instill the discipline of prayer, bring you and your child before the Throne of God, and invoke a powerful evening blessing of peace upon their impending hours of sleep. Many children suffer a fear of the dark and bedtime evokes a growing fearfulness. I find that Bedtime Prayers but a period on one day and turn the page to start the next day a new and a fresh!

 

What works for your kids at bedtime?

 

 

Posted on

Stop Teaching Your Child To Disobey – Parenting Tip of the Day

I am no parenting expert nor am I perfect. I come from good parents who were not perfect, either. However, I married very well and my wife, Julie, has been a great inspiration and influence on our joint-parenting efforts. This lesson I learned from her…
123
One of the worst things you can do is a parent is teach your child, especially your young child, delayed obedience. Let me give you an example:

“(Child’s name) come here, put that down, stop it, eat your food, etc. ” Parent says.

Child doesn’t respond. Parent issues another statement,

“You have until I count to three, ONE….(LONG PAUSE, calmly), TWOOOOOOOO (louder with more emphasis and force)……THREEEEEEEEE! (you are yelling and fuming now!) –Your Three Count was really about 300 seconds.

You reach your boiling point, you yell, “That’s it…”

Child still hasn’t moved or obeyed, so parent begins the Walk of Consequence. You are mad, you are fuming, you are exhausted, you are annoyed.

Then and only then, does the child move, “I’m coming!” yells the child. You are glad to finally have obedience. But, it’s your fault, well, at least partially…

Parenting Tip: Don’t “count to three (or five or ten)” when asking your child to obey, you are only reinforcing their disobedience and teaching them to devalue your word. Ask them only once, and then proceed with consequences. Make sure you communicated correctly and they did  hear you (not hearing only works once!).

When you haggle, barter and bribe your child you place the child in the position of authority. You, as a parent are suspending your authority by the counting process. You are diminishing your expectation of obedience that you have for your child.

Someone might argue that counting gives the child time to work out their obedience in their heart. Yes and no. Yes, obedience is always a heart issue and you must remember when dealing with a child there always exists a measure of childishness ignorance and outright rebellion. Parents must teach to enlighten ignorance and put a stop to rebellion. No, a child doesn’t need time to work out obedience. Delayed obedience is a form of disobedience.

Remember the most influential place you will deal with your child is not their emotions, their mind or their intellect, it is their heart. The heart is the throne of the child just as much as it is for the parent. Your children are not mini-adults. They are children and must be raised up from childhood to adulthood.

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child” (Proverbs 22:15) and your counting only makes it worse.
Let me know, do you count? have you stopped? what’s working for you?

Posted on

Three Wise Decisions Leaders Must Make

This post could also be called “Three Wise Decisions a Foolish Leader Can-and-Need-to-but-Probably-Will-Never Make.”

The Bible makes a very sharp distinction between wisdom and foolishness. It is a joy to others when you lead wisely. Growth, unity and productivity are fostered. However, the leader that leads foolishly will bring all sorts of trouble, misery and division to the organization and to those who follow.

“People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools. ”

Alice Walker

Three Wise Men

Here are three mistakes wise leaders must avoid that are made by foolish leaders:

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. A foolish person is a very bad listener. They only appear to be listening so they can deliver what they really want to say in return. They don’t enjoy understanding. They don’t seek understanding, because foolish leaders are self-centered and ultimately, self-concerned.

#1 – Wise leaders decide to put their followers concerns over their personal interests. These can be challenging because every follower inevitably is not working from the same information or experience as the leader. However, wise leaders listen! Wise leaders decide to ingratiate themselves not isolate themselves. Bottom line, a foolish leader doesn’t listen for understanding, because his mind is already made up, thus the interaction with followers is always impersonal and inattentive.

Wise leaders decide to diligently know the condition of their followers and give them careful attention.

A fool’s leadership brings strife, and his conversations invite conflict. Foolish leaders tend to spout off arbitrarily, with partially, and without careful thought of future outcomes. A foolish leader doesn’t listen well, and to make it worse will follow up the poor listening with diatribes that inflame and inject venom that stir things up. If you are a leader and you are wondering why you encounter so much conflict? Then, it may very well be your mouth is a source of fuel to your follower’s fire.

#2 – A wise leader decides that his speech will always show impartiality, with tenderness that invokes peace and harmony among his followers. A wise leader understands that the very words, the tone, and the nonverbal gestures all greatly affect those that follow. Words can heal and harmonize or divide and destroy. The wise leader decides for unity, the foolish leader decides for himself!

Wise leaders decide to speak with affirmation and harmony to their followers, because wise leaders are concerned with bringing everyone along, not just a small group.

A fool rejects any instruction or correction not his own. Moreover, a foolish leader rejects instruction that either isn’t in line with his desire or doesn’t fit with his plan. Leadership doesn’t demand that the leader be right 100% of the time, since there are no perfect leaders on earth. However, followers will demand that leaders “get it right” and when they don’t followers will always judge the response of the leader’s personal accountability. A foolish leader shirks acceptance for failure and blames others or insists all the facts were not available for them to make the right judgment.

#3 – Wise leaders decide to subject themselves to accountability. In essence, they are touchable and accessible. Wise leaders come out of the cloisters and ivory towers to be in and among their followers. Foolish leaders hide behind walls to protect their personal insecurities from being exposed. Wise leaders live a disciplined life. Because of this disciplined life, they are willing to receive correction, discipline, and counsel.

Wise leaders decide to make themselves accountable to those they lead by taking responsibility and leading disciplined lives.

Leaders, which will you be: a foolish leader or a wise leader? The decision is yours.

 

 

(Further reading: Proverbs 15:5, 18:2, 6-7)

Posted on

Faithful When the Road Darkens

Where in your life is your understanding unclear? Are there circumstances, situations and outcomes that simply don’t make sense? For the business leader, parent, employee or student there is and always will be a certain darkness that envelops your path in life. Therefore, will you be tossed to and fro by the doubts of darkness or take the next step composed of faith and faithfulness despite the developing darkness?

“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens” J. R. R. Tolkien

JRR Tolkien

The question, after destination has been determined, is to determine if you are heading in the right direction. Often this is when the darkness closes in. What seemed so certain, so assured has now become clouded.

One of two things happens: (a) doubt enters or (b) faith(fullness) appears. It is your choice to follow either direction.

Don’t miss this: doubt is a direction and it leads exactly away from where you were headed. Doubt leaves the peaceful harbor, encounters a storm and regrets having embarked on the journey! Doubt says “throw me overboard, turn back or it’s all over!” Doubters have a hard time staying committed because their lives are full of regrets and u-turns.

We fail to live when we fail to take faith. There is inherent risk in every act of faith. There is inherent risk in every act of faithfulness. Really? Yes, taking the next step always means that you trust the ground is still there. It takes faith to pick your foot up and move forward.

Temper your expectations of both fear and of grandeur. Resolve to live the committed life of the faithful, not the casual and fearful existence of the doubter. It often requires more faith to stay committed in the mundane, the boring and the ordinary than the moments of legend and heroism.

Remember in the mist of uncertainty, choose faith(fulness). Build a legacy that will be a gift to those to whom you influence. Legacy is composed of a lifetime not of a moment. Will your legacy be composed of a story or merely an anecdote?

Posted on

What’s Wrong with Chasing?

What are you chasing? Why are you chasing it? 

Remember being chased or chasing someone on the playground? Maybe you had a secret crush that developed into “boys chase the girls” at recess?  There was a physiologic thrill involved in the chase. However, the more time passed, the thrill on both parties eventually grew into exhaustion or boredom. It wasn’t about the catching, it was about the being chased. When the chase was over, the thrill was over. This explains why so many relationships, goals, and objectives get unceremoniously dumped and die. Chasing is the impulsive, immediate response to achieving a goal or an objective. 

Dog chasing ball

1. The Thrill of the Chase

Chasing is like the untrained dog that lies dormant until a squirrel, a shadow or even his tail catches its attention. Squirrel……he’s gone! The dog springs into action–the thrill of the chase! That is until he catches what he was chasing or like his tail he can never fully grasp–the thrill is over. When you find yourself exhausted or bored, it’s often because you’ve been un-strategically chasing something.

2. The Will of the Pursuit

Pursuit is different. Pursuit is the strategic and enduring approach to apprehending your goal. Pursuit is more about measurement than movement. Restless, impatient leaders chase, because they need movement. But movement doesn’t always mean growth or apprehension. It often merely means activity. And many leaders are “action addicts.”

Pursuit is more a matter of the will, than a physiological need for stimulation. When a leader’s will is set, pursuit is not a question of time, but of outcome. Pursuit is steadfast, chasing is fickle.

Consider your organization, are you chasing or pursuing?

3. Don’t Become an “Action Addict” 

Leaders that are “action addicts” require constant activity in their organization. Their personal impatience impedes the systemic growth of the organization. A leader that requires stimulation by the  activity of the organization will unknowingly produce an unstable environment. Followers like thrills, but demand stability.

Parents who are action addicts will subject their children to any number of activities to keep them “involved” or “engaged.” Bosses who are action addicts will subject their employees to any number of new initiatives, but will never see the prior initiative through. Action addicts are impatient and demanding.

You chase fantasies, but pursue goals. You chase ghosts, but pursue people.

Posted on

8 Things to Pray for Your Kids (and for yourself as well)

Raising children is difficult and often overwhelming. Raising children to follow Christ in today’s culture seems practically impossible. children

Your children are impressionable. The world will seek to impress upon them its values and standards. However, your prayers and your intentional example have the capacity for the most lasting impression. Your belief in them and your faith in front of them is both inspiring to them and aspiring for them.

Here are 8 F’s to pray for your children (and probably for yourself)

1. Free from yoke of sin and bondage
2. Faithful in all things
3. Fruitful in works of righteousness
4. Found in God’s Word Daily
5. Filled with the Holy Spirit
6. Forgiving towards others
7. Friends with Jesus and not the world
8. Follow Christ all the days of their lives

Posted on

What the Great Leaders Rarely Miss On

Decisions. Pure and simple. One of the hardest things in life to execute is to make a perfect decision. It’s almost impossible. Stop trying. Make good decisions. Make right decisions. Do this and people will follow you.

Teddy Roosevelt said, “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

Teddy Roosevelt

1. Don’t  be Waffler or Wind-Checker

Too many of our leaders waffle on the really important decisions. Too many leaders are checking to determine which way the wind is blowing, then make their decisions. Their decisions are often bad decisions. Great leaders make their decisions despite the wind blowing. Winds will always blow, but people will not always follow.

2. Get the Direction Right

Great leaders distinguish themselves from all comers and all others because they have the singular ability, among other qualities, to make good decisions. I’m not even saying they have to make a great decision every time. Great leaders make decisions in the right direction. Getting the direction right allows for better implementation and, as needed, adjustments.

3. Communicate Clearly to those Following 

Followers want stability and clear direction. Leaders must provide these. Followers will only tolerate an arbitrary leader for so long. A leader who makes arbitrary decisions is viewed as selfish, fickle, insecure, and untrustworthy. A leader who makes good and right decisions is seen as selfless, stable, secure, but most importantly, trustworthy.

Great leaders understand how their followers will respond and react to decisions. King Solomon said, “Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds.”* The leader must be in and among his followers, not cloistered from them.

Decisions bathed in counsel that accurately paint the full picture, inspire followers and create a harmony in the organization. Leaders who isolate themselves from their flocks will make poor decisions and the flock will wander or disperse. The careless leader will look up to see a diminishing flock.

4. Make Your Decisions Good 

Jimmy Collins, former CEO of the multi-billion dollar chicken giant Chick-fil-A, says “make your decisions good.” Good decisions point in the right direction, consider well who will be affected, and yield good results.

How well are you leading?

 

 

*Proverbs 27:23, ESV