Monthly Archives: August 2014

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The Realm of Stupid Leadership

The Realm of Stupid Leadership

Leadership knowledge does not make a person into a great leader. However, we live in an age where information is available in heaps and everyone has become an expert. There is a myth, a lie that everyone can be a leader. This is what I call, “The Realm of Stupid Leadership” and it is pervasive in our culture.

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In fairness, everyone can exhibit some leadership traits or qualities, but that doesn’t make you a leader. You can occupy a leadership role or position and not be a leader. In my research, experience and observation true leaders are born–always have been always will be. The rest are just followers dressed up like leaders believing their own press, social media clippings, and heaping up mountains of knowledge–wanna-be’s!

There are Three Types of People in the Realm of Leadership:

#1 – Those who know they are followers. These are people who definitively know they are not leadership material. In fact, these people will cast off any mantle of leadership; unless, it is absolutely thrust upon them. Even, then, when a true leader appears, they will quickly and gladly pass the mantle. The leadership mantle makes these people very uncomfortable, it is a burden and weight they can’t wait to pass on or get rid of. These people want to be led. They want responsibility, but not the leadership responsibility. These people tend to be great in an organization. They are ready, willing and able to be led. They are the most valuable commodity any organization has! They make their leaders’ lives pleasant and productive. They are the silent master-cog in any organization.

#2 – Those who know they are leaders. These are people who definitively know that they are born-leaders. They always have been. Since, childhood or their earliest opportunity they have been expressing their style of leadership on their peers for as long as they can remember. These people naturally have others gravitate towards them, towards their opinions, and their counsel. Very simply, they influence others, normally from a very early age or an early opportunity. These people not only get results, but get others to get results. They wear the mantle of leadership with great comfort. These people didn’t wake up one day and say “oh, I’m a leader, people should follow me!” Rather, along their journey as they’ve encountered groups, teams, classrooms, really people in general, they grow more comfortable with leading other people.

Natural-born Leaders handle authority easily. They make it look easy. And to some extent it is easier for them. All leadership has a burden associated with it, because ultimately, a natural-born leader is willing to listen to counsel, but accept sole-responsibility for the decision. Natural-born leaders recognize this ability in other natural-born leaders and will easily subjugate themselves into a follower role, as long as the other leader demonstrates a high level of competency and consistency.

#3 – Those who think they are leaders but are really followers. This is the Realm of Stupid Leadership. This group is growing by leaps and bounds in our culture today. Because, somewhere some clever publishing groups, public speakers or authors looking to sell you their books have sown this myth among our corporate culture that “everyone can be a leader.” The absurdity in this is really laughable. What Fortune 500 company or even a mom-and-pop bakery hires each new employee and says “welcome, you are now a leader, but so am I and so will be each new person we hire?” No one says this, well, no one that still has an organization or business that is remotely successful. Ever been in a room, on a committee, a team, a class or a gathering where everyone tried to lead? It’s impossible! Nothing gets accomplished, the simplest tasks become ridiculously complex, and harmony denigrates into hostility.

I call these people “wanna-be” leaders. They don’t start out with bad intentions, normally. But often, because they have misperceived their ability or have been led to believe in a false-ability, something happens to them and the seeds of tyranny are sown. Consequently, these people normally look at the natural-born leaders with contempt, because the natural-born leaders make influencing others seem so easy and for the wanna-bee leaders it is nearly impossible. If you can’t get people to follow you, you probably aren’t a natural leader. The mantle of leadership is all about authority. Most people can’t handle it with prudence, judiciousness and wisdom. Authority to the wanna-be leader becomes an obsession. Accepting responsibility is nearly impossible for the wanna-be leader, because, they are actors and actresses, and failure is impossible to ingest because in their minds it might expose themselves to their perceived followers. This type of leadership will ultimately turn into tyranny and a dictatorship. This wanna-be will remove any and all challengers of his perceived-authority.

The Realm of Stupid Leadership will ultimately destroy a business, organization, team, family or church. Knowing your ultimate ability brings a level of liberty to your life. You don’t have to pursue the wrong opportunities or take on the wrong responsibilities.

If we all worked on becoming better followers, the natural-leaders will arise. Harmony, unity and peace will be the by-products. However, in the Realm of Stupid Leadership hostility, factions, and open-conflict become the norm.

Simply, in the realm of leadership, everyone must remember that everyone is a follower. We are all following someone, even for some if that is just themselves. So, the best leaders are the best followers, but the best followers are not the best leaders. If we focused more on serving than leading, the leaders would lead and we could all follow.

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Get Rid of the Airbrush; When the Church Becomes Cool

The Church Needs to Throw Away the Airbrush 

We are a culture obsessed with perfection. We are an airbrushed society filled with artists that practice fabrication and deception on a scale and level never known in the history of the world. Reality is blurring into fantasy, at least in the realm of media. And it dominates our world: globally, locally, interpersonally & spiritually.

Get rid of the airbrush. Stop sanitizing saints who don’t want sanctification. Stop the new lineage of for-profit pastors. Christians in America want our preachers to be famous, the Church to be his platform, and the members his biggest fans. Enter the airbrush: messy Scripture is ignored, convicting truths reformed, and image becomes more important than substance.

Sadly, the airbrush has infected many of our churches. Members think they have to look perfect and act perfect. All this acting has put on a show for far too long. Stop acting and start living! You have real struggles and real problems, but we are so scared that others will perceive us to be “lesser” christians. Acting never got anyone to heaven–remember Judas?! He was the best actor of all and look where he ended up–utterly ruined. Pastors have become peddlers of personal perfection and pundits of pretensions, instead of red-hot prognosticators of purity and the Prince of Peace! Row-after-row of parishioners are left believing the pastor is perfect and his wife is perfect and his kids…well, we know better than that! (For the record: I am a preacher’s kid)

Spoiler alert: Most of the models on the covers of magazines have been more than a little “touched up” by expert editors a.k.a. airbrush artists. We are guilty of “touching up” our websites, our sanctuaries, our pulpits, our tv screens, our people, our kids areas, our logos, our “extras”, our worship-leaders and sadly, our pastors.  Churches have started cashing in on their “cover-boy” pastors. Church members have started believing that they need the latest, greatest, coolest, shirt-untucked, Abercrombie-looking, model pastor. It is ridiculous to see men in their 50’s and 60’s trying to look like they are 25, just so they can reach the younger generation. Do you really think having a “cool” pastor impresses Jesus? Do you think your “cool” pastor will make the Scripture more palatable? Do you think a cool building is what you need? A cool worship leader? A cool sanctuary? A cool website? A cool kid’s area? 

Stop being cool. Jesus had a word for cool. It was neither hot nor cold, it was lukewarm. The gospel has never been cool. It will never be cool, if your gospel is cool, then you have an apostate version. The gospel of Jesus Christ is red hot. It is a consuming fire. There is no cool in it. And, by the way, Jesus said “cool” makes him want to vomit (Revelation 3:16).

It’s evident by many of the messages heard today that many preacher-boys spend more time preening and primping than they do in true preparation for their sermon. They are not prepared to be an “oracle” of God, because they have not heard from God. Seminary taught them how to cut up, divide and Greek-i-fy a passage of Scripture. But, seminary can never teach you the power of God. Oh many professors, presidents, and administers have the power, but they learned it on their knees, through their tears, and in their sufferings. The power of God was never learned in a practicum, in a popularity contest or in a Porsche. It is better learned in a prison, kneeling in a pew or a Ford Pinto!

There are fewer and fewer Spirit-filled and Spirit-led members in our churches. They don’t know the Spirit, so they are not listening for his voice. They learned that the pastor is the authority. Hogwash! Only Jesus is the authority in the Church–his church. The Spirit testifies, searches and calls from the depths, from “deep unto to deep” (Psalm 42:7, 1 Corinthians 2:10). But, we aren’t a spiritually deep people. We are mostly shallow, muddied waters.

How deep is your church? Probably not that deep, because if it is your church it will be as shallow as the newest member. If it is your church, then your shovel will hit bottom very quickly. Oh, but if it is Jesus’ Church, His Bride, then, no rock could ever be dropped to hit the bottom. His depth is unfathomable.

Where has the depth gone in the Church? We don’t want deep sermons, we want entertainment. We don’t want deep hymns, we want anthems. We don’t want to memorize Scripture, we want a new app. We don’t want prayer meetings, we want bounce-houses and coffee shops. We don’t want the poor, we want the wealthy. We don’t want missionaries, we want rock-stars. We don’t want prophets, we want puppets. We don’t the Spirit, we want cheerleaders. We don’t want heaven, we want the world. We don’t want Jesus, we want me. Terrell Owens summed it up very well, “I love me some, me.”

The Church must wake up. Maybe, it’s the Church that needs an ice-water challenge?! We are so busy being so full of our-selves, we’ve left no room for Christ. We’ve pushed him to the fringes of our comfortable, narcoleptic lives. Wake up! Hear the preparations of the King. He will ride upon the Four Winds. The Trumpet will sound.  He will return. He is coming. But, will he find his servants asleep? Will he find his Bride faithful?

“…when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?” Luke 18:8

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Don’t Do This with Your Kids – pt.1

 Children need training.

Without training children do grow, but they grow restless, discontent, unmotivated, lazy, arrogant and worst of all—self-centered!

King Baby

Certainly, not your children. It’s those other kids at the playground, in the principal’s office or Chick-fil-A’s playground that have thrown themselves on the ground, can’t stop hitting other children, and that have a blatant, defiant disregard for any and all order, especially their parent’s.

Since those aren’t your kids, let’s walk through a few “don’ts” and “do’s” in regards to what you will and won’t allow your kids to do or you will or won’t subject your kids to through your brand of parenting.

You do have a brand of parenting. Your primary model was your own parents or the lack thereof. You cannot go back and undo what you were subjected to and experienced as a child, but you can start today molding and modeling for your children—and even for other children at the playground, park or restaurant playplace.

The following are a few examples that can and will help you model and mold your child, so that as he or she grows they grow emotionally healthy, disciplined, and well-adjusted.

#1 – Don’t give into your children’s demands, but do seek to meet their needs. Too many children have taken their parent’s hostage by their demands. I see it everywhere I go. Little Prince has turned into Little Emperor! Little Princess has turned into the Queen of the World! Parents must not cater to their children’s every demand. Children by their nature have a measure of foolishness, folly and defiance bound up in them.

They are learning through experience, so they will test the limits, they will test boundaries. It is evident that many parents themselves haven’t figured out what is appropriate and what is not. Parents, it is appropriate to meet your child’s needs, it is not appropriate for your child to rule in your home (unless he/she is a newborn baby, but that will pass).

Too many parents are actually making demanding children because they are trying to give the child what “they never had when they were a kid.” This is stupid, you probably didn’t have it for a reason. No amount of stuff will ever make your kid love you more. Stuff only needs more stuff. Your child needs you. Don’t substitute awesome stuff for your awesome time. And when you give yourself, give your undivided self. It’s better to do stuff with your child, than give them stuff. Because, it is in the “doing” they learn more from you than in the “thing” you give them. (For the record I am not advocating never giving them presents, gifts, etc. that show your love. Just make sure the gifts are the only thing that says “I love you,” ‘You are valuable,” and “I’m glad you are my kid!”

#2 – Don’t allow them to run wild, but do provide for them opportunities for adventure! Healthy children by nature are curious. Children need outlets for adventure. A true adventure has the measure of fear, fun, and failure. Fear because the child will experience something beyond what they know and there is risk involved (make sure safety is a priority). Fun because if it’s not you and your child will be miserable. Failure because, your child must not win at everything. The strongest measure of success often come from a foundation of failure. Children need to experience the outdoors. We have Family Adventures. Hiking, camping, boating, sleeping in a tent, biking, making tents in your living room, riding bikes down new trails, family road trips with unplanned stops (beware of the weirdos) are all examples of what we have done as a family. A field is the perfect place to allow your kids to “run wild,” the restaurant, the church fellowship hall, the department store, the grocery store are not places children should be “running wild.” Figure out what works for your family and tell your kids, “today, we are going on an adventure!” Watch the magic happen in these occasions.

#3 – Don’t excuse defiance or disrespect as cute, but do teach them to respect your authority as the parent. The parent should be the authority in the home, not the child. There must be clarity in regards to authority, role, actions and consequences. Too many parents are growing afraid of giving children consequences for their actions. When disobedience, defiance and disrespect transpire, there needs to be consequences that follow. If not the seeds of rebellion in the child’s heart take deeper root.

Some consequences will require punishment. Starting with a warning is often fine. The punishment should fit the crime! Parents that are both too lenient and too excessive reinforce the seeds of rebellion. You need to make sure the child heard and understood what they disobeyed, how they disrespected or how they were defiant. You have consequences to shape the child’s heart not crush their spirit.

If you discipline when you are angry, you erode your authority as the child ages. But, if you are controlled and calm when you discipline, you then reinforce your authority in your child’s life. Too many parents laugh at totally inappropriate and disrespectful behavior in their children or they laugh in the presence of other children’s inappropriate behavior. All you are doing is weakening your authority (you may need to go lock the door in the bathroom and go laugh your head off).

Also be a parent that follows through. I have made too many empty threats (if you don’t, I will….for the rest of your life) that my children learned over time that I would never enact. Empty threats weaken your authority. Don’t threaten your child. Warn your children. Because, warnings have consequences if not headed. If you say that “x” will happen if the child does “y,” then you must follow through.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6 

Is this helpful? Part 2 of “Don’ts” coming soon…

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. I am not a perfect parent. I was not raised a perfect child. But, I have a great wife and wonderful parents! I was raised by a father and mother who have been married for over 40 years who had six children (5 boys & 1 girl) and my wife and I have four children (1 boy & 3 girls).