Let’s face it, without a “mom” none of us would be here! God, our Creator, in His gracious love caused the increase of the human race to be born upon the frame of mothers.

Jesus could have come as the Angel of the LORD as he had many times before to the human race, but he would not have had a mother. He would not have been able to identify with us in this. He would never have received the nuture that a mother gives best to her child. God the Father affirmed the role of mothers by bringing forth Jesus Christ from the womb of a woman.

A mom is a treasure. I am glad we have at least one day that we can celebrate and recognize these women that have made each one of our lives possible. When I think of my mom, Marta (mother of six children), and my wife, Julie (my children’s mom of four children), I see very clearly the countless sacrifices that each of these have made and continue to make for their children. A mother has a bond with her child that is unique to that mother and child. It is an infusion in the heart. See, not only does a mother carry the child in her womb for all those back-breaking months, she always carries her child in her heart until the day she passes from this life.

This is what so many men and fathers don’t get about their wives and moms–mom always carries her child in her heart! This is why a mother has a stronger bent towards compassion, towards gentleness, towards forgiveness and towards affirmation. As fond and as loving as a father can be, he can never carry his child in his heart the way the child’s mother does.

The Bible says of Mary, the mother of Jesus, “but Mary treasured these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19). A mother carries her child–her treasure in her heart, pondering each treasure. I believe, this is why so many mother’s make such incredible prayer warriors. I believe, this is why men like Samuel and Timothy in the Bible had such productive and fruitful lives and ministries–because, among other things, their mama’s were praying for them!

A Christian Mother, sold-out to Jesus Christ, is a spiritual force to be reckoned with. Why? Because, when no one else will, she will fight for her children. She will wage war in the heavens through her faith and her prayers, when no one else will. Why? Because, she will stand in the gap of intercession when everyone else has gone home or gone to bed. Why? Because, she will pray again and again and again for her children, because they occupy so much space in her heart. Why? Because, she will praise God for them over and over and over again. Why? Because, the prayers of the righteous mother “will availeth much” or “be powerful and effective” (James 5:16).

Mothers, you are valuable. Let no one, no society, no government or no ruler tell you otherwise. We live in a culture that increasingly denigrates the awesome joy, privilege and responsibility of being mom. No one can raise, train and nurture your children the way you can, mom. Distractions abound, so moms must be on their guard more than ever before to not willfully give their role, their responsibilities, and their title away.

I honor you Mom. I honor you Julie. I honor you women both living and past who have birthed, nurtured and trained each new generation of men and women that have, do and will nhabit planet earth.

Mothers make great teachers. Such wisdom mothers have and they, in their wonderful way, have the ability to reinforce truth into their children’s lives. My mother sang to us Bible Verses, that to this day, I can still hear her voice in my head singing, “Be ye kind one to another…” and “this is my commandment that you love one another…” to my siblings and me. Julie, my wife, reinforces in her firm, gentle way to our children the ways of excellence described in Proverbs 31 to our three daughters and one son.

A mother’s whisper can echo for a hundred years.

“Listen my son…do not forsake your mother’s teaching…(it) will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck” (Proverbs 1:8-9)

Mothers, I honor and thank you.

The echo of my mom rings through my mind, “Remember boys (there are five of us: Aaron, Elliott, Alex, Austin & Adrian – and one sister, Audrea), as big as you get, I will always be your mother…”

Make Your Home a “Magic” Kingdom

When your children are grown, how will they describe the home they grew up in? Stuffy, boring, harsh, cruel, empty, warm, loving…maybe, even MAGICAL?!

I’ve had the pleasure to go to the Disney Parks multiple times as an adult with my children. I never had the opportunity to go as a child. In fact, I was so far removed from the “magic” I had no interest. As an adult, my interest was discouraged when I saw the price of admission!

Did you ever lie to your parents as a child?

If you did, you probably did it to get out of trouble or to keep someone else out of trouble! It seemed like a good idea, but probably didn’t turn out well, especially, if your parents already knew the truth!

“Buy truth, and do not sell it…” King Solomon, Proverbs 23:23

Ever argued with your spouse over something stupid? Ever regretted having a long, stupid argument? But, you couldn’t let it go, you had to be right. So, you build your walls, sling your mud, and damage your relationship. Eventually, the walls are so high, you virtually stop communicating or stop communicating effectively.

I’m guilty of all the above. But, I want to do better. My problem is I hold unto stupid things when I should be listening or letting go. But, I do it because I think I am right…well, at least 99% of the time. In reality, my wife IS right about 90% of the time!

All the women just said a collective “Amen!” It is a painful admission for me. But, I have come to realize after 15 years of marriage, that her first, instinctive answer almost always has the measure, the strain of “right” that I will eventually, through much struggle come to realize. Do you know why? because she is a good listener and she is humble. She remembers everything–exactly what I said, where I was standing when I said it, the tone of my voice, and where the sun was in the sky! I loose most arguments because of this.

Husbands (and I can only speak as a husband) wrestle with two major issues that cause their wives often be right when we think we are right: Pride & Poor Listening.

Another “amen!” from the women reading this…yes, I am writing this at my own peril (my wife, Julie does read my blogs). This blog will be used to “remind” me at key times of what I wrote, but I’m doing it for our marriages, our homes, and because, yes, she will be right at that time, as well. What has become more important to me in our marriage is not to “be right,” but, to “get it right.”

Problem #1 : Pride

Of course, she is not always right, she knows that, but men (husbands) have this great need to be right. I’m not validating the “need,” rather I am acknowledging that it exists.  What wives don’t understand, is it, I believe, comes out of a man’s need to be viewed with respect. Men are wired this way, a man needs to be respected. As my friend Jim says, he needs to know he’s your “Superman.” Except Superman had a weakness, and so to do most husbands.

In fact, one of, if not the most important, way that a wife can show her husband love is by respecting him, respecting his work, respecting his decisions, respecting his choices. But wait, wives, he’s often wrong. His decisions are often wrong, his choices are often wrong–thus the rub. Husbands, when you begin to escalate the communication, check your pride. If you can do this you can “catch” her stress, the strain by responding gently and softly the fire will go out. Your pride throws log after log on the fire, pretty soon you have a roaring inferno.

“For lack of wood the fire goes out…” Proverbs 26:20

Problem #2 : Poor Listening

Face it men, you are bad listeners. Stephen Covey says, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

There are about 12 of you that are actually good listeners, but the vast majority of men are naturally not good listeners. Men want to solve problems, conquer, claim territority and move forward. Long, detailed and emotional explanations slow the conquering and problem solving process down, so instead of listening well, men listen for what I deem to be the “critical success factors” and draw immediate problem-solving judgments from those. This poor listening creates problems…

The problem for wives: she most often just wants to connect with you her husband and the way she does it is through communication. Short-cutting her communication turns her off, shuts her down and locks him out.

The problem for husbands: often men see communication as the door to peace, problem-solving or passion (sex), which lead to umet expectations, a lack of fulfilment and frustration.
Real listening, good listening promotes understanding. The Apostle Peter (who was married) wrote, “...husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor…” (1 Peter 3:7).  Think the accountability from Peter’s wife “uh, Peter, you’re not listening to me…an um, didn’t you just write that in the BIBLE!” Listening for understanding is a way a husband can demonstrate honor to his wife.

Men, your wife actually wants to hear you. You, most often, just want to be heard by her.

Two things that Julie and I learned to use in our communication that has helped promote understanding and aleviate tension:

1- What I hear you saying is…
2- When you say that, it makes me feel… (men, this creeps some of you out, but watch her light up when used effectively)

So, I must thank Julie for helping me to be a better husband, father, and man. I write this because I need it, men need it, marriages need it. She wants “us” to get it right, most often, I just want to be right. Which is why she is most often right!

“Mom, Dad, I really, really need it!” Ever heard those words, as your dress was being pulled, your arm tugged or your sleep interrupted?!

Really? Does your child know what they need best? No, of course not.  Most often they confuse their wants with their needs. We as humans are impulsive.

We see, we want. We want, we take.

“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride“

Ecclesiastes 7:8 (NIV)

1. Waiting teaches your child patience. Impatient parents produce impatient children. Demanding parents produce demanding children. You are your child’s model. Children are by nature inquisitive, selfish, and rebellious.

The Recipe for Impatience 

Questioning + Self-Centered + Rebellious = Impatience & Demanding = “I Want What I Want and I Want it Now!“

An impatient and demanding child has the combination of behaviors that can lead to recklessness. A reckless child takes un-calculated, unnecessary risks that can produce disastrous consequences. Reckless behaviors destroy relationships, shirk personal responsibility, and bring out un-intended, painful results.  How many parents have experienced this in their own lives?

Waiting establishes a process by which greater thought can be exhibited by the child as to the immediacy of his/her perceived need. Waiting allows the child to gain control over their emotions and learn to restrain their spirit. Waiting allows your child the time to think about consequences, outcomes, and results. Waiting is good for your child.

 2. When to “Give In” and When Not to “Give In” — The Lesson of “What’s Appropriate?” 

Remember: don’t make them wait needlessly. Don’t make them wait to “prove a point.” If it is in your power and it is appropriate, then don’t hold back. The key is appropriate. My wife, Julie, describes appropriateness to our children by saying, “this is what the situation calls for.” The language is often above the child’s head, but it helps you reinforce that the time is not right and the circumstances are dictating the response. This way it does not become a personal authority challenge between you and your child. You can then explain what appropriate behavior, appropriate language, an appropriate attitude or an appropriate looks, sounds like.

Acquiescence destroys appropriateness. Acquiescence is the silent reluctance of acceptance. Too many parents have been worn down, aren’t engaged and have become disconnected from their children. Consequently, instead standing firm in their decision or, worse, the painful fighting that soon will ensue, the parent just rolls over with little to no resistance to give into the child’s demand. This behavior only gets worse as the child grows into adolescence. Pretty soon your child has become unknown and uncontrollable. Loving your child does not mean giving them everything they desire.

The Challenge: Does the Parent Know What is Appropriate?

Judging by behavior I see at the playground, at schools, at the soccer field, at the frozen yogurt shop, etc. (anywhere that parents and children are found) it is evident that a growing number of parents don’t know what is appropriate. Responsible parents don’t ignore the legitimate needs of their children. In fact, responsible parents anticipate their child’s needs and help them discern their wants.

Ask your child tugging at your arm, waking you from sleep: Is someone bleeding, broken, needing the bathroom or on fire? No. Then, you can wait a minute.

Teaching your child to wait, in one very real sense, can teach them to be more loving. And who in their right mind doesn’t want to raise a more loving child? We need more love in our homes, in our relationships, and in our world.

“Love is patient...” 1 Corinthians 13:4