Friday Family Tip #1: Do as much as you can together.

This may seem obvious, but in reality moms and dads often lead very separated and isolated lives trading children for which ever spouse it’s more convenient. This is a recipe for rebellious children, a fractured family and ultimately, a divorce.

This kind of dual-living really speaks to the properties of the parents and quality of their marriage, which is the core of the family structure and health. Healthy marriages facilitate healthy families. Wake up, if your marriage is in trouble, your family is in trouble. Wake up if your priorities center around you, your family is in trouble. Families that have shared priorities are happier, healthier and work together better as a whole. Families that have competing priorities are associates not friends, escalate into hostility quickly and are generally looking for substitutionary means of happiness that come from outside the family (the root of many affairs).

Together means “with, at the same time, without interruption.” So, families that do things with each other, at the same time, without interruption are doing things together. Together means “not apart.” Together means unity and wholeness. Families must discipline themselves to work together, play together, eat together, disagree together and be together. This can be hard for some families (certainly, there are times that work/vocation make this impossible), but it is really about melding an attitude, a spirit and a heart of family unity that is an indivisible and indefatigable bond.

“There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained.”

Winston Churchill

Happy families have strong bonds. This idea of bonding is critical for your family’s health and happiness. Bonds are formed and strengthened as your family spends time together. When parts of the family are missing, they are missing out on strengthening the bond. Bonds are born by time spent by doing things close together. Some of my most poignant memories of my childhood became bonds of suffering as I and my five siblings went everywhere together in our 1979 Chevrolet Impala station wagon with no air conditioning and half the windows that didn’t work. Environments, activities and situations create unbreakable bonds between children and parents.

We live in a generation that’s all about “me.” That can be me the kids or me the parents. Part of the role of a family is to teach everyone about commitment, cost and sacrifice. My parents didn’t cater to their six children, nor did they make us cater to them. There were family priorities that affected everyone in to family that helped determine what we did as a family.

Parents take your kids with you wherever you go, whenever you go as often as you can as an ENTIRE FAMILY. Don’t fragment your family unless you have to. Fragmentation is a structure that has developed into pieces or parts. The healthy family functions as a whole, single unit.This creates a system of support. So, when the members of the family have problems (and trust me you all will), they can turn to their immediate and closest support system–their family.

Create and schedule intentional whole family activities where all parents and all children are engaged. Parents, this means NO CELL PHONES. Family activities are the most influential and memorable when mom and dad are fully present and attentive. Play a board game, eat meals at a table, watch a movie (on Clearplay or VidAngel), go to the park, go for a walk, go to the grocery store and attend church together. Being present and attentive signifies a healthy family support system.

Keep your children as close to your wings as possible for as long as possible. Don’t push them out of the nest to figure out how to fly on their own. Put them on your back and jump out of nest with them, as a family. This will keep them coming back to the nest as a place of safety, security and happiness.

Selfish parents seek to do lots of “things” by themselves apart from their kids. Keep your kids close, change your lifestyle to benefit your children, not your children to benefit yours.

Principle #1 is about sharing and doing life together. Otherwise, when they are grown, they will not want to share their life with you. You have a short window of opportunity to really enjoy your kids when they are young, otherwise they will not enjoy your company when they are old.