Dear Parents,

You are the model for your children. The government is not the model. The actors and actresses on the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon are not the models. Reality television people are not the models. Pop stars are not the models. Athletes are not the models. YOU are the model.

A model is a system, shape or representation of what you follow or imitate. Your children are either imitating you or the world. A large part of children’s learning is directly related to what they are modeling or imitating. The question is parent, “What kind of model are you?”

There used to be a common sense understanding in our culture that if you had a platform, then you understood that people were watching you and you needed to act with some dignity, honor and respect. However, as our culture wallows in confusion and escalates towards chaos and a mob mentality, basic human respect for one another has been thrown out the window. You can’t model yourself after yourself. So, as a parent you must be worthy of emulation. You must have some distinctive markers that are worthy of imitation.

Model Kindness over Cruelty

People can be mean. Kids can be cruel. Children are not naturally cruel. They are naturally inquisitive and rebellious. Children are by nature accepting. As they grow older they become less accepting and more cruel, if you let them. You cannot demand acceptance, you have to model it. Children have an amazing capacity to love and accept others. This is critical that parents model kindness. I can be kind to someone and totally disagree with a choice they have made, a statement they have said or a action they have taken. Kindness is more than just being “nice.” Kindness is an intentional act of the will to demonstrate care, concern and compassion to those around you. One way to teach children to be kind is to have a pet and demonstrate kindness to the pet. Kindness helps others. Cruelty hurts others. Cruelty is an intentional act to injure, hurt or demean another.

Harshness and selfishness leads to cruelty. Cruelty demonstrates a hardening of the heart. Parents, do not be cruel to your children. If you are, then you will produce a tyrant, a cold-hearted adult that will lack compassion and sensitivity for others. Demanding adults often produce cruel children. The thermometer of meanness is rising in our world. Turn the thermostat down with kindness, compassion and a genuine concern for others. But, if you the parent don’t care about others around you, then why would you expect your kids to do something different.

Insist that your kids be kind. Don’t sit by and watch your kids or someone else’s kids be mean. You are a parent and an adult. Engage, correct and model. Be worthy of emulation.

Model Kindess over Criticism

It actually doesn’t take a lot to be kind, the problem is YOU are in the way. What happens to YOU? You get offend, then you get mean. You get hurt, then you seek retribution. You are annoyed, then you lash out. You are impatient, then you yell. You feel slighted, then you punish. When you do these things in full view of your kids, then you are teaching your kids hardness. Hard people have a difficult time being kind people.

Yes, it is easier to speak criticizing words than kind words. But, it’s not beneficial.

Kind words heal. Critical words cut. 

Kind words soothe. Critical words crush.

Kind words are a bubble bath. Critical words are a sandpaper scrub.  

When you the parent speak critical word after critical word to your children you are cutting up their tender hearts, tender attitudes and tender spirits up. Kind words are conduits. Conduits of kindness are channels of blessing. Critical and harsh words are like blockages in pipes. They stop the flow. Kindness is contagious and it causes others to excel, grow and develop in a healthy environment.

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions,

and the roots spring up and make new trees!“

~Amelia Earhart 

Model Kindness over Ignorance 

Kindness often means you have to get involved. Involvement is the opposite of ignorance. In a harsh, hard world, the weak, the helpless and the destitute are left to fend for themselves–they are ignored. However, Jesus propagated a kindness that instructed his followers to get involved in the lives of others, especially, those that need help. As a parent, when you ignore the needs of others, you are modeling selfishness for your children. When you see someone in need, chances are your kids see them in need as well. Now, I’m not saying you can or should help everyone. But, as you have opportunity do good (be kind) to and for others.

Real Life Example: Homeless & Hungry 

I remember when I had a restaurant in downtown Atlanta. One Sunday afternoon, I was doing some things in the empty store and I looked out the window and saw a homeless man digging through the trash can. Now, I worked downtown Atlanta, and this was nothing new for me to see. But, my 5-year old son was standing right beside me. I was hoping that he didn’t see the guy, so I could go about my day. I was hoping we could ignore this every day occurrence for me.

“Daddy, what is that man doing?” my son asked.

“Well, I think he is hungry and looking for something to eat…” I replied.

“We should give him something,” my son said. I’ll be very transparent, part of me didn’t want to give him anything because for several months the homeless population had been coming to my dumpster every night and pulling half of the trash bags out, ripping them open and leaving a huge mess every morning outside all of our trash cans.

“Son, you’re right,” I said with a warming of the heart. We went and found some food for him piled it up in a bag for him and went out and took it to him (I did ask him to clean up any trash he created). In that moment it was my opportunity to model kindness to another person in need in full view of my son and allow him to be involved.

Where is your opportunity to model kindness? Your kids need. You need it. Our world needs it.

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

Ephesians 4:32, KJV