Does your child’s behavior ever make you want to pull out your hair, hide, or maybe even scream?! Don’t give up hope, you are not alone and, oh by the way, they are normal children!

But, you want better for them, better than you experienced, better than right now…yes! Me too, then, read on and be encouraged.

Parents can exhibit strange behavior! My mom used to break into a song when my siblings and I were fighting, and we fought a lot (there are six of us — 5 boys and 1 girl). It would actually stop us fighting, wrestling, hair pulling, punching, squeezing, and frogging each other. She’d be singing,

“be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted forgiving…”

What? We thought, but it worked, she was changing our lives…

Two things that could change your kids’ lives:

1. Kindness. Is the home you are raising your children in kind? Kindness is more than being “nice.” Being nice is a good start. But, nice can sometimes be a cover for bitterness, ignorance or indifference. Nice is often just the path of least resistance and with so many passive-aggressive parents, it’s often easier to just “be nice” than being kind. (being nice is better than being rude!)

Kindness is an intentional act of the will. Kindness stems from your heart.  It is both a virtue and a value. To be kind is to demonstrate loving acts toward others because  they simply exist. Being kind is sharing the benevolence or generosity of your soul with another. Sadly, many parents/people are bankrupt in their souls and cannot pass what they don’t contain.

Teach your child to be kind to others. Teach them to willingly share what they possess (it’s easy to “share” something that doesn’t belong to you), to use kind words with kind tones, to smile, to laugh at appropriate times, to practice “random acts of kindness,” etc. Work to create a kind environment in your home. The “kind” home, the “kind” mom, etc. is the place your kids and their friends want to hang out. Your children will blossom with kindness towards others and towards you. But, you must practice it. Practice it while driving. Practice it while talking on the phone. Practice it while disagreeing with your spouse!

Kindness is more than a thought, kindness is action and you must model and instruct your children to do so.

2. Forgiveness. Possibly and probably more powerful than kindness is forgiveness. Forgiveness is the intentional release of another from a grievance, offense or injury. You must teach your children to be forgiving. A parent’s lack of forgiveness creates an insurmountable wall for a child to cross. Unforgiveness creates barriers in a child’s life that can become great hinderances in their relationships later in life–even potentially your relationship with them.

Forgiveness is the key to healing. Without forgiveness, healing and reconciliation are often impossible. When your child offends, disobeys, and rebels, it is important that the parent model forgiveness.

Parents, be responsible and take the initiative. Don’t exile your kids to the never-ending black hole of consequence. It is important that the parent say to the child, “I forgive you.” I am not saying to wash out all consequence of behavior, but it is the parent’s responsibility to engage the child and teach the child how to reconcile. Your child does need to recognize the “wrong” in their behavior, etc. Sadly, many parents further punish and damage their relationship with the child by not reconciling. Children need the security of reconciliation and forgiveness. It creates a secure and healthy emotional environment for your child to grow in.

Forgiveness is the path to healing and a key in maintaining healthy relationships.

My mother’s song was a Bible verse,

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” Ephesians 4:32

How has forgiveness and kindness changed your life?